Facing What Hurt & Acknowledging What Matters

For many of us, the hardest part of healing isn’t facing what happened.
It’s facing what happened without feeling like we are turning on the people we love.

Especially if our parents were loving. Present. Still in our lives. 
It can feel disrespectful or dishonoring to name our pain we felt.
We may feel the need to make excuses because, now that we are adults, we have more understanding and empathy for our parents. This is our brains way of thinking about our pain without having to feel it. 
We "logic our way through" without facing the hurt we still carry. 

Loving your parents and acknowledging your pain are not mutually exclusive.

You can love your parents and still name what hurt.
You can feel grateful and grieve what you didn’t get.
You can honor their effort and acknowledge your pain.

This is not about blame.
This is about honesty - because honesty is the first step to healing.

Until we name the experiences that shaped our emotional world—
the moments we felt dismissed, afraid, ignored, or misunderstood—
we’ll keep unconsciously repeating them.

We’ll say we turned out “fine”…
But still freeze when our child has a need we were never allowed to have.
Still raise our voice in moments we swore we’d stay calm.
Still carry shame in our bodies like it’s a badge of survival.

That’s not fine.
That’s inherited trauma playing itself out in real time.

Naming our pain isn’t betrayal. 
It’s bravery.
It’s the beginning of something new.
It’s how we stop passing down silence, shutdown, and survival.

How This Changes Everything for Our Kids

When we learn to name our own experiences without blaming those who shaped them,
we model something powerful:

We teach our children that feelings aren’t dangerous.
That pain doesn’t have to turn into punishment.
That naming is not attacking.

We teach them to say:

“I felt hurt when you said that,”
instead of,
“You’re so mean.”

“I’m feeling overwhelmed,”
instead of,
“You’re making me mad.”

Naming without blaming is how we raise emotionally mature children.
And we can only teach it once we learn to practice it ourselves.

This is the gift we give to them. 
This is how the cycle ends—with truth, love, and the courage to hold both.

Cycle Breakers Raising Cycle Breakers

We know this work is challenging, especially when you're working through your own stuff while trying not to repeat old cycles!

We love that we get to do this with you.

If you want updates on new blogs, more resources, info on community challenges and more please sign up for our email list ⬇️ and stay up to date on all things The Considerate Momma!